The Urban Dictionary defines getting ‘thrown under the bus’ as, “to sacrifice some other person, usually one who is undeserving or at least vulnerable, to make personal gain.” I can bet that this has happened to you a time or two in life. It has for sure happened to me! Actually sad to say, I’ve been on both the receiving end and the throwing end as well. I think all of us have been on both ends at some point. The experience of getting thrown under the bus can start as early as childhood when a brother or sister tries to save their butt from getting in trouble by mom or dad. So what do they do? They blame whatever it is on you! And the feeling is the worst. You feel sideswiped, cheated, and betrayed. Well brace yourself, as though you don’t already know this but, it happens as grownups at work too!
As women who strive to put our power into practice by doing what we know is right, here are 3 best ways to handle getting thrown under the bus. There’s also a tip on what to do when you’re tempted to do the throwing.
KEEP YOUR COOL
Sometimes you can sense when this event of being blamed or a flaw is about to be pointed out by someone. It’s usually because something went awry and it needs to be dealt with—and no one wants to take ownership of the part they played. For example, at the restaurant where I cook, there was a night that went haywire. We had a packed house and order tickets were coming in non-stop. This meant there were more people to serve than there was manpower for the demand. So the night was considered a disaster! The next morning, the Head Chef called everyone in for a meeting. These are the instances when you can sense that finger-pointing may occur—and that’s what happened!
When finger-pointing occurs, my recommendation is to let it happen. When someone starts firing shots, the impulse reaction is to get defensive which only makes the situation worse than it has to be. Let the finger-pointer do his or her thing, because at the end of the day, you don’t have control over other people’s actions and words anyway. You can only control your own. So if you’re blamed or a finger is pointed in your direction, which is essentially you getting thrown under the bus, keep calm and allow it to happen. By no means am I suggesting to be a doormat, but there are some battles that are okay to let die down without you getting involved. Some wars are just not worth your peace, character or integrity.
DON’T RETALIATE
After getting thrown under the bus, you may have a strong desire to strike back later. I urge you to not do that either. It doesn’t make the situation better—like acting defensively, it actually makes it worse. It’s like putting fuel to the fire, yet you have the power to extinguish it. Retaliation is the expression of bitterness which comes from unresolved hurt. So focus on resolving the hurt that you’re feeling, and consider that you being thrown under the bus may have nothing to do with you personally, but have more to do with the offender and what they may be battling internally. They may be feeling insecure, thinking they’ll feel better about themselves when someone else looks bad. They may even be fearful of losing their job—what they feel is their security blanket in life. There may be something deeper going on, don’t take it personally. At the same time, be conscious of whether or not you legitimately and flat-out messed up as well. Either way, take the hit and just be focused on being the more mature person, move on and contemplate what you’ll do differently the next time a similar situation arises.
Here’s a great example to follow from the best role model ever.
“When he was accused by the chief priests and the elders, he gave no answer. Then Pilate asked him, “Don’t you hear the testimony they are bringing against you?” But Jesus made no reply, not even to a single charge–to the great amazement of the governor.” Matthew 27:12-14
ACCEPT AN UNGIVEN APOLOGY
I was in a meeting with a team and someone asked, what can we learn from the event that occurred. One of the participants mentioned something involved me, and not in the best light. When the meeting adjourned, I still had to interact with her because she was my peer. The desire to shade her was eating away at my flesh! But then I snapped out of it and realized, if I act in a childish manner, I wouldn’t be showing an example of good character, maturity and professionalism. And the right thing to do is forgive even when an apology hasn’t been offered. Would a better way for her to communicate her feedback be to come to me directly for a private conversation? Absolutely. But again, we can’t control other people’s actions. Maybe she meant to take a stab at my pride, or maybe she genuinely wanted to offer ways for improvement to the team. Either way, to help keep myself centered, at peace and free of bitterness, I knew that I had to express kindness and love, no matter how slighted I may have felt. It’s hard to forgive, especially when the person hasn’t apologized—I get that. But that’s what will help you move on as you maintain your integrity and your light at work.
On the other side of things, if it’s you that is the one tempted to throw someone under the bus, warranted or not, hold yourself back. Think of what the outcome will be and if it’s worth it. Most times, if not all times, it’s not worth it. The best thing to do is speak to the person or people involved privately, and discuss solutions to come to a place of productivity, success and peace.
It’s okay to take a loss sometimes, even if it’s not deserved. The best thing you can do for the situation, not matter what position you’re in with a ‘throwing under’ scenario, is to simply say a prayer for those involved and the shenanigan at hand—and move on. It’s a reward to be righteous rather than right.
Have you handled being thrown under the bus in an effective way that worked for you? Share it below!
To powerful workweeks and good morning eat!
Love,
Yardley
SPICED CHICKPEA BREAKFAST SALAD
Ingredients
1 ½ cups Chickpeas, cooked / or 1 can Chickpeas – Chickpeas are also known as Garbanzo Beans
2 tbsp. Extra Virgin Olive Oil
2 tsp. Sea Salt
1 tsp. Paprika or Smoked Paprika
1 tsp. Chili Powder
¼ tsp. Cayenne Pepper
¼ cup Honey
Instructions
Preheat oven at 400 degrees
In a mixing bowl, toss chickpeas, olive oil and salt together
Cover baking sheet pan with foil paper
Place chickpeas on baking sheet
Let bake for 20 minutes, then after mixing your seasonings together in a small bowl, pour onto chickpeas to coat
Be sure seasoning is coated evenly
Drizzle honey on top and mix into chickpeas so it coats as well
Let bake a final 10 to 15 minutes more
Once toasted with seasoning, remove chickpeas from oven and let cool for 5 minutes OR if you like them hot, immediately add to your breakfast salad
The salad I made is a mix of kale and spring mix greens, topped with sliced Red Delicious apple, with a blend of balsamic vinegar and extra virgin olive oil. Feel free to drizzle some more honey on your chickpea salad. I did! =) Enjoy!
