How to Handle a Boss Who Gossips feat. Strawberry Gluten-free Flapjacks

There’s always something going on at work that could be going better. So on social media recently, I made an announcement that I’m here for you (of course) and to email me for advice on your work dilemma. Well I connected with a woman, F.C., who’s battling with the temptation to participate in office gossip. What makes it even harder to handle is that the ring leader is her boss. Yikes! Office gossip is so common unfortunately, and it not only affects the person being gossiped about, it also impacts the entire work environment. I can relate to this because to this day, my environment attempts to lure me into gossip-led conversations by peers as well as those in authority. For me, I find that the conversation is always subtle. You’re having a casual conversation about happenings at work, perhaps new policies or an update on a project, then someone throws in a sly comment about how things could be operating much more efficiently if so-and-so didn’t do x-y-z. This is where the avalanche of insults ensues, then all the sudden now the character of the person is being questioned and ultimately bashed. Perhaps F.C.’s situation is a bit different, but what’s all so similar when it comes to gossip is, it all comes from somewhere and to get to a solution, that’s where we should start.

Where This is Coming From

Gossip is directly related to what’s in a person’s heart. The reason most people, like your boss, slanders others is due to two things that are going on in their heart—pride and insecurity. Pride plays a part because when someone points out other people’s shortcomings, whether it’s valid or not, it shows that the person speaking isn’t conscious of the fact that they have their own shortcomings as well. All of us do! If we have the nerve to even utter critical words about others, it’s clear that we’re not in tune with how flawed we are, ourselves. Where does insecurity come into play? The defense mechanism or deflection for someone who isn’t happy with their own performance or position at work (or in life) is, they find critical things about others and speak on it to make them feel better about themselves.      

“A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of.” Luke 6:45

What You Can Do About it

F.C., I recommend that you do a couple of things.

1. Counter With Kindness and Conviction. Find something positive to say about the person or situation that your boss is ripping apart. Be sure it’s genuine. You don’t have to make up something nice to say about the person. Even if it’s hard to come up with something, there’s a good side to everyone and every situation, so dig a little. The art of identifying what those good things for anyone or any situation will come easier to you as you practice doing this exercise.

Another more direct way to handle this is by sharing your convictions with your boss. Clearly you have a conviction that speaking badly about someone, especially when they’re not present to defend themselves is plain wrong. So let your boss know that—respectfully. You could say something like, “I can understand why you may feel this way and I think you should talk to Larry about it. We all have our weaknesses in different areas and I believe the best way to help each other with them is by addressing it with the person directly. I’m here to help towards a better situation with this whole thing, so let me know what I can do to assist.”   

“Whoever conceals hatred with lying lips and spreads slander is a fool.” Proverbs 10:18

“A gossip betrays a confidence; so avoid anyone who talks too much.” Proverbs 20:19

“Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.” Matthew 5:9

“Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.” Philippians 4:8

• Remove Yourself. You have the power to participate or simply refuse. There are two ways you can do this with style and grace:

1. Change the subject. You can say something that’s still on topic, but change the specific subject about the person who your boss is talking about. This will help them see that you’re not interested in participating in slander and that you find no value in their negative talk. There are more important aspects of the conversation to address as it relates to work, so do so.

2. Ask a question that makes them think more productively and servant leader-minded such as, “so what do you think we can do to help Larry meet the expectation that you’ve set for him? Are there any impactful action steps that you or I can share with him to achieve success in this area?”

3. Finally, you can simply leave the room. Yes, literally leave the negative space where the gossip is taking place. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. I’m sure you have things to do that are more important than talking badly about others, so excuse yourself by explaining what you need to go accomplish, and leave.

“Blessed is the one who does not walk in step with the wicked or stand in the way that sinners take or sit in the company of mockers, but whose delight is in the law of the Lord, and who meditates on his law day and night.” Psalm 1:1-2

Whatever method you use, slowly but surely, your boss is going to understand that you’re not the one to be gossiping with. They’ll also come to realize that what they’re doing is wrong and more likely begin to change their ways. By standing up for your convictions against gossiping, you’re ultimately shining your light which impacts the world around you—in this case your boss.

I pray this was helpful. Stay blessed like “the one who does not walk in step with the wicked” as stated in Psalm 1:1-2—and keep shining your light, F.C.!

STRAWBERRY GLUTEN-FREE FLAPJACKS

Ingredients

1 cup Almond Flour

1 Banana

2 Eggs

2 Tbps. Almond Milk

4 Strawberries

1/2 Tsp. Nutmeg

1/3 Tsp. Ginger

Pinch of ground Clove

Pinch of sea salt

1 Tbps. Honey for mix and extra Honey to drizzle

3 Tbps. Coconut Oil

INSTRUCTIONS

Place all ingredients except for the strawberries into a blender

Mix until forms a batter

Add 1 Tbps. coconut oil to the hot pan

Pour approx 3-4 Tbps. of batter into a hot pan in the form of a round disk

Let sizzle and cook but keep checking so it doesn’t burn

Add slices of strawberries to the pancake then, using a spatula, flip the flapjack over to cook the other side

Again, keep checking so it browns, not burns

Remove flapjacks from pan and plate

Drizzle honey on top and enjoy!