Have you ever given a presentation at work while your mind was divided because you were thinking about what the audience thought about you? Or sat in a group meeting, distracted by assumptions about what the people in the room thought of you?
If we’re honest, we think about what other people think a lot! And the intensity can vary depending on the situation, especially given a diagnosis, such as ADHD or OCD.
So why do we obsess over what other people think, and how can we break free from that mental trap? Let’s look at three reasons.
1. You Want to Belong
Wanting to belong isn’t a bad thing. In psychology, Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs identifies belonging as one of our basic human needs—a biblical concept, first. We were designed for community.
Where it gets tricky is when we devalue our uniqueness in order to belong. God created various types of people with different cultures, talents, abilities, and even neurological functions. What if different is exactly what God needs you to be? What if that’s the way He designed you to be so you can do the good works He prepared in advance for you to do, as we find in Ephesians 2:10?
“If the whole body were an eye, where would the sense of hearing be? If the whole body were an ear, where would the sense of smell be? But in fact God has placed the parts in the body, every one of them, just as he wanted them to be. If they were all one part, where would the body be? 20As it is, there are many parts, but one body.
The eye cannot say to the hand, “I don’t need you!” And the head cannot say to the feet, “I don’t need you!” On the contrary, those parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable, and the parts that we think are less honorable we treat with special honor. And the parts that are unpresentable are treated with special modesty,” 1 Corinthians 12:17-23
In 1 Corinthians 12:17–24, Paul describes the different parts of the body and how each one serves a purpose. He even addresses the parts considered weaker, less honorable, and unpresentable.
Verse 22 says, “those parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable.”
God takes into account the people who may be thought of as lowly by others. He recognizes the unique parts of the body and makes it clear that they are needed.
If you find yourself feeling different at work because of your neurodivergent experience, this passage is most definitely for you.
Action Item: Memorize a short portion of 1 Corinthians 12:22–23 that speaks to you.
This will help you remember to think less about the thoughts and opinions of others and replace them with the thoughts and opinions of God.
2. You Trust People More Than You Trust God
Jeremiah 17:5 speaks about the person who trusts in man, draws strength from mere flesh, and whose heart turns away from the Lord.
“This is what the Lord says: “Cursed is the one who trusts in man, who draws strength from mere flesh and whose heart turns away from the Lord.” Jeremiah 17:5
We tend to value other people’s thoughts very highly, as though their opinions are the gold standard, the benchmark, the Bible.
But people’s opinions are shaped by their own gut feelings, emotions, interpretations, past experiences, knowledge, and wisdom. Yet we can find ourselves giving those opinions so much weight that we depend on them for assurance and validation.
We’re essentially looking to gain strength from people. And what does this passage say is happening simultaneously? We’re turning our backs on God.
When you need assurance, seek God. When you need understanding, seek God. When you need wisdom, seek God. When you need direction or a confidence booster, seek God.
Now, seeking wise advice from people is biblical. There are plenty of scriptures that encourage us to seek sound advice and multiple advisors. But when we start obsessing over what other people think about us or overvaluing their opinions, that’s when we need to call a flag on the play!
Action Item: Seek God first and foremost, not people.
Go to Him in prayer and in the Word of God. Whatever you need, there’s a scripture for that!
You can literally ask Him for what you need and search for a scripture.
Consider using Jeremiah 33:2–3 in your prayers as you seek God’s thoughts and direction.
“This is what the Lord says, he who made the earth, the Lord who formed it and established it—the Lord is his name: 3 ‘Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.’
3. You Look at Therapy as a Nice-to-Have Rather Than an I-Should-Have
If you find yourself having a hard time obsessing and overthinking about what other people think about you, it may not simply be a discipline or disobedience issue. It may be a neurological thing.
We’re living in a time where more research and discoveries are helping us understand the neurological experiences of neurodivergent women. These experiences likely didn’t just pop up at midlife. They may have been there from the start.
There are strategies to manage neurological symptoms that can be learned through therapy. And while seeking God first and foremost will ALWAYS be my advice, God has equipped people, whether they know Him or not, with technical knowledge that can be helpful to all people, including His children.
If you’re considering professional support, here are three things to keep in mind:
- Choose someone who specializes in what you think you may be struggling with. You want a specialist who can speak to your specific mental challenges, both technically and practically.
- Choose someone who is wise. You may need to have an initial meeting with a few professionals before deciding who’s right for you in this season. That’s expected and highly advised.
- Don’t ever take their every word as gospel just because they have a degree hanging on their wall. Remember Jeremiah 17:5. We must be careful not to put our trust in people above God.
Action Item: Consider whether professional support could help you better understand your neurological experiences and learn strategies to function more optimally.
Action Items Recap
- Memorize Scripture – Remember what God says about your uniqueness and your value. Start with 1 Corinthians 12:22–24.
- Seek God First – Go to God for assurance, understanding, wisdom, direction, and confidence rather than making people the source of your strength.
- Consider Professional Support – Explore therapy or a specialist who understands your neurological experiences and can help you learn practical strategies.
Remember, you don’t have to devalue your uniqueness to belong, and you don’t have to make other people’s opinions the benchmark for your worth.
Let’s Discuss!
Have you found yourself obsessing over what other people think about you at work? Which of these three reasons resonates with you the most? I’d love to hear your thoughts!
Share your comments below and I’ll respond.